If Tomorrow Never Comes
by bohemiangirl
Summary: Meredith's father, Thatcher Grey, is diagnosed with a terminal illness. How will Mer find out? How will she react? Derek faces the prospect of risky surgery on Thatcher when he doesn't know where he stands with Meredith. Lexie also features. Please review
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters.

Please read and review. It encourages me to write more.

**CHAPTER ONE**

Izzie knocked on Meredith's bedroom door, holding a cup of coffee. She checked her watch. It was 7:45am.

"Mer! We're leaving right now. Last chance for a ride to work!" Meredith didn't reply. Instead she put a pillow over her head and moaned something inaudibly. "Fine," Izzie said with a sigh. "Suit yourself."

"Where is she?" Cristina asked as she emerged from the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel. She had spent the night at Meredith's house after they had drowned their sorrows with a bottle of tequila.

"She's still in bed," Izzie said. "George and I are going. Good luck getting her to work on time." Cristina didn't reply. Instead she went to Meredith's room and opened the door loudly. Meredith was lying motionless in bed. Cristina threw the wet towel over Meredith's head and then pulled the covers away. Meredith was still wearing the clothes that she had been drinking in the night before.

"Noooo," she moaned. George and Izzie stood in the doorway as Cristina physically pulled Meredith out of bed and to her feet. Then she took the coffee from Izzie, placed it in Meredith's hand and began literally pushing her out the door.

"The secret is to show no mercy," Cristina said to George and Izzie who were stood there, stunned. "Let's go."

&&&

"Someone's gonna die today. I know it," Meredith said from the back seat of Izzie's car as they drove to Seattle Grace hospital.

"What?" Cristina asked cynically.

"I have a feeling," Meredith said, looking at Cristina. "You know what happened last time I had a feeling. I ended up holding a bomb in some guy's body."

"Pure coincidence," Cristina said, taking the coffee from Meredith and sipping it. "Anyway, we work in a hospital. Chances are somebody somewhere close to us will die today."

"God, you two are so morbid," Izzie said from the driver's seat. George laughed.

"Gold star for Izzie," Cristina said from the back seat. "Sorry. I'm hungover. I get mean when I'm hungover."

"We start in two minutes," George said, looking at his watch as Izzie parked the car. The four doctors jumped out of the car and ran towards the hospital. George went towards the interns' locker room and the three residents made a bee line for the surgeon's lounge where they were dressed in scrubs and on their way to meet Bailey right on time.

"Grey, you look like crap," Bailey said with raised eyebrows.  
"Thanks," Meredith said with a little smile. "Where did you want me?"

"Report to Doctor Hahn. Take your interns as well. If you're up to it that is."

"Of course," Meredith said, leaving the others.

"Stevens, you're with Shepherd. Yang, you're in the pit." Bailey went to consult one of her own patients.

"Go!" Cristina shouted to her timid interns who were gathered close behind her. They took off. "Wait…" she said, noticing something amiss. "There are only three of you." Her head pounded as she tried to figure out who was missing. "Where's Lexie Grey?" the other interns shrugged. Cristina rolled her eyes as they rode the elevator down to the ER. Nothing would have kept her away from the hospital in her intern year.

&&&

"Here's a tip," Cristina said when her and her interns reached the pit. The eager interns took out their notebooks and pens, ready to write Cristina Yang's words of wisdom. "Stay away from tequila," Cristina said as the elevator doors opened.

"Doctor Yang!" an ER nurse shouted as soon as they stepped into the pit. "I need you over here."

"What do you have?" Cristina asked as she went over to the nurse. "It had better be surgical." As she got closer, Cristina saw the man that she recognised as Thatcher Grey sitting on a bed.

"It was nothing. I'm fine!" he was protesting.

"What happened?" Cristina asked. She could smell the stench of alcohol on Thatcher's breath.

"He fell over in the shower," Lexie said.

"Cant imagine why," one of the interns, also smelling the alcohol, joked.

"Shut up," Cristina snapped at him.

"I was just being clumsy," Thatcher slurred. "Tell her that I'm fine."

"He hit his head hard," Lexie said. "That's why I bought him in. I think he should get checked out." Cristina nodded. She turned to her interns.

"I want you examine Mister Grey and make sure that he hasn't sustained any other injuries in the fall. Then take him for a head CT. When it comes back. Page me. He is inebriated so handle him with care." Lexie blushed with embarrassment. She could feel her fellow interns judging her. She wished that she could just disappear.

"Are you working today, Doctor Grey?" Cristina asked. Lexie looked distant. "Doctor Grey!" Cristina said louder.

"Sure," Lexie replied, nodding. "I'll go get ready." She turned to her father and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back, Dad," she said.

"Don't bother coming back," Thatcher said aggressively. Lexie was hurt and embarrassed but tried to hide it in front of her colleagues. Christina sighed.

"I'm going to see where I'm needed next," she said. "Doctor Grey, when you're changed, find me. The rest of you stay on this case." Cristina turned to walk away when she heard a thump.

"He's having a seizure," a nurse shouted. Thatcher Grey was convulsing on the hard ground.

"Roll him on his side and protect his head," Cristina ordered.

"Are you going to write up any drugs?" an intern asked.

"Not if we're dealing with a head injury," Cristina said. She waited until the seizure had finished and some orderlies had lifted Thatcher back onto the bed. "Take him for that head CT now."

&&&

Fifteen minutes later Cristina's pager had gone off. She finished her consult with a patient and went back to where Thatcher was, with Lexie trailing behind anxiously. An intern handed Cristina the scans. She held them up towards the light and her jaw dropped. It was not what she had expected.

"Page Doctor Shepherd," she said to an intern. Cristina turned to Lexie who had seen the scans. "You might want to take the day off," Christina said discreetly.

"I'll go change," Lexie said, leaving, needing to get away.

&&&

Meredith and her interns followed Doctor Erica Hahn through the halls of the surgical ward as she explained the procedure for that afternoon's surgery.

"Lexie!" George called out when he saw Lexie coming in the opposite direction looking distressed. Meredith looked over at her, concerned.

"Are you alright?" she asked Lexie as they crossed paths. Lexie looked up at Meredith, her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head and continued on her way.

"Do you need to go after her?" Doctor Hahn asked. Meredith shook her head.

"No," she replied.

"Very well then," Doctor Hahn said, resuming her explanation of the surgical procedure.

&&&

"Glioblastoma multiforme" Derek said, matter of factly, looking at the scans. He hadn't yet seen who the patient was.

"That's what I suspected," Cristina said.

"Yikes," Izzie said, making a face as she observed the giant mass present on the CT scans. Derek sighed.

"Let's do it," he said.

"It's Thatcher Grey," Cristina blurted out.

"What?" Derek asked, bewildered, his heart sinking.

"Just thought you should know," Cristina said. Derek took a deep breath and headed over to where his patient was. He pulled back the curtain around Thatcher's bed in the ER and stepped in, followed by Izzie and Christina. Lexie Grey, dressed in jeans and a Harvard sweater, joined them. Derek smiled sympathetically at her.

"Mister Grey," Derek said. Thatcher had started to sober up.

"I know you," Thatcher replied. "You're Meredith's-"

"Yes," Derek cut him off. He didn't know what he was to Meredith at that point in time. "Mister Grey," Derek started again. "We did a scan of your head and it showed what is known as a glioblastoma multiforme."

"A what?" Thatcher asked, confused. Derek took a breath. "It's a grade four malignant brain tumor. In plain English it's the worst kind of diagnosis we could have hoped for. It certainly wasn't what Doctor Yang was expecting to find considering you came in here after a fall."

"It's probably what caused you to fall this morning," Cristina explained. "You've probably experienced headaches and dizziness as well as balance problems and speech difficulties."

"I thought it was the drink," Lexie said quietly, ashamed.

"So what do we do?" Thatcher asked. "When are you gonna take it out." Derek took a deep breath. He hated this part of the job.

"There is the option of surgery, however with this kind of tumor you're only looking at about a four percent chance of survival with minimal brain damage. Most surgeons would call this an inoperable tumor and give you anywhere from weeks to a few months to live."

"It's gone unnoticed for an unusually long time," Izzie spoke up. Lexie looked on the verge of tears.

"But you've done this kind of surgery before?" Thatcher asked Derek. He nodded.

"I'm one of the best in my field and I've operated on this kind of tumor twenty two times. Two patients went on to live for a couple of years. The problem is that the tumor has tiny microscopic tentacles that aren't visible to the human eye. It's impossible to get the whole thing. The more aggressive I am with the surgery, the more likely it is that you won't survive. If I'm conservative, it'll grow back to the same size very quickly." He paused for a moment and looked into Thatcher's shell shocked eyes. "I'm very sorry. Doctor Yang will explain the non surgical alternatives to you."

"So whatever I do, this thing's gonna kill me?" Thatcher asked.

"That's right," Derek said. "I'm very sorry," he said again. "Page me if you need me," he said to Cristina.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the next chapter. I hope you like. Please review.

**CHAPTER TWO**

Derek locked the door of the empty consult room that was always unoccupied. He needed a moment alone to process what had just happened. He stood with his back against the door, closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Thatcher Grey, the man who had irreparably hurt Meredith and whom Derek secretly blamed for most of her trust issues, was dying. Derek wasn't a fan of the man but he did feel sorry for him. He had looked pathetic laying there, his eyes glazed over from alcohol, taking in the news that he was dying. Derek's mind wandered to Meredith. How would she react to the news? For someone who claimed not to care about her father, he did come up in conversation regularly. How would she find out? As Thatcher's doctor, he couldn't divulge information about his condition to family members without his patient's permission. Derek and Meredith were barely speaking as it was.

There was a knock at the door of the consult room.

"Who's there?" Doctor Richard Webber asked. Derek opened the door.

"What are you doing in my thinking space?" Richard asked. Derek looked confused. "Why do you think this room is always empty? This is where I come to think."

"Mind if I join you?" Derek asked.

"Why?" Richard asked, stepping into the room. "Is there something I should know about?" The Chief never missed a beat. Derek sighed.

"I have this patient who has the worst kind of brain tumor there is. I haven't seen one this bad for a while. It went undiagnosed for so long. The guy doesn't stand a chance."

"That's a real shame," Richard replied. "There's nothing more frustrating as a surgeon than knowing that you can't fix someone." Derek nodded in agreement with his mentor.

"It's Thatcher Grey," he blurted out. Richard's eyes widened. He was speechless. They stood in silence for a while. Richard cleared his throat.

"Does Meredith know?" he asked gravely.

"I haven't told her," Derek replied. "Christina Yang is with him in the ER now. Lexie Grey knows."

"Maybe I should tell her," Richard said. "What do you think she'd want?" Derek shrugged.

"I'd give anything to know what Meredith wants," he replied sadly.

&&&

"I want the surgery," Thatcher said, decisively to Christina. Christina was secretly pleased and imagined scrubbing in on the procedure but she would never admit it.

"Mister Grey," she started. "I don't mean any offence but you came in here this morning under the influence of alcohol. Before you can go making decisions about surgery, I will need you sober up completely and talk through the procedure with Doctor Shepherd in detail."

"So where is he?" Thatcher snapped. Christina turned to her interns.

"Find a spot for Mister Grey in the neuro ward," she said to them. They hurried off.

"I'm going to admit you and organize for you to speak with Doctor Shepherd today," Christina said, writing on his patient chart and wondering if Meredith knew yet.

&&&

George stepped outside of the hospital doors and took a bite of his sandwich. Meredith had allowed her interns to take a short break before their six hour cardio surgery. They weren't going to get a lunch break and needed their energy. George strolled around the hospital grounds and saw Lexie sitting by herself on a bench. She looked like she was crying. As he went over to her he realised that he was right.

"Hey, Lex," he said gently.

"Hey," she said, turning around, wiping her eyes and smiling a little.

"Can I sit here?" George asked. "You can have half of my sandwich," he said with a little smile. Lexie nodded. George sat down. He handed her half of the sandwich. "It's good," he said.

"Thanks," Lexie replied, her voice shaking.

"What's wrong?" George asked, concerned.

"I bought my dad in this morning. Turns out he has a brain tumor." George's jaw dropped.

"Whoa. Can they operate?" George asked.

"They can but he'll die anyway. It's a glioblastoma multiforme," Lexie said.

"I'm so sorry," George said, wishing that there was more that he could do. "I lost my Dad to cancer last year. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me anytime."

"Thanks," Lexie said, appreciatively. "I might have to take you up on that. I don't have anyone else." Tears started to spill over her striking eyes.

"It's okay," George said, soothingly, gently pulling Lexie into a hug. It made her cry more but that's what she needed. Not to cry alone like she usually did.

"George!" George heard Meredith calling him from the doorway of the hospital. "What are you doing? I said ten minutes!"

"Sorry!" George yelled back.

"We're about to scrub in," Meredith said. Her eyes fell on Lexie who was visibly upset. It's was the second time that she had seen Lexie emotional that day. She wondered what could be wrong. Lexie turned to see Meredith. Their eyes met for a moment before Lexie looked away.  
"I'm really sorry," George whispered to Lexie.

"It's fine," Lexie said. "Surgery can't wait. Can you do just one favour for me?"

"Anything," George replied.

"Can you tell Meredith?" Lexie asked. George was floored by the request.   
"You want me to… um" he stammered.

"It's just that you know Meredith better than I do. I'd probably say the wrong thing or give her a reason to hate me. I don't even know how she's gonna react but it might help to have a friend there."

"Okay…" George stammered, not wanting to accept the request but not wanting to say no at the same time. He gave Lexie a kiss on the cheek and walked back into the hospital where Meredith was waiting for him inside the door.

"Doctor Hahn's gonna be pissed," Meredith said, unimpressed.

"Sorry," George replied as they walked briskly to the OR.

"Is Lexie okay?" Meredith asked. George knew that he couldn't tell Meredith the truth when she was about to assist in cardiothoracic surgery. It required absolute precision and concentration.

"Yeah," George replied.

When the elevator to the OR floor opened, Derek and Izzie were standing there, having just finished a surgery. Meredith's and Derek's eyes met and Derek gave Meredith a look that she interpreted as a look of sympathy. _Strange, _she thought to herself.

"Hey Iz," Meredith said as they passed them. Izzie smiled at Meredith, looking uncomfortable. Meredith turned to George and noticed him looking uncomfortable as well.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked George. "Why do I suddenly feel like the only person who's not in on the joke?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…" George stammered, avoiding eye contact. Meredith didn't believe him for a moment.

"About time!" Doctor Hahn said, standing in front of the OR entrance just as Meredith and George tried to enter. "Grey, you're either serious about surgery or you're not."

"I am," Meredith said. "I'm very sorry."

"It was my fault," George said. "I held her up." Erica Hahn stared them both down and then entered the OR. Meredith and George started preparing themselves to enter the sterile OR, George avoiding the looks that Meredith was giving him.

&&&

"Mister Grey," Derek said, entering Thatcher's room, Izzie trailing him. "How are you feeling?"

"Just wonderful," Thatcher replied, bitterly. "I want you to do the surgery."

"So Doctor Yang said. You realise that this procedure involves cutting you open, removing a piece of your skull and entering your brain to remove this mass. The risk of dying is very high and if you survive you risk paralysis and other neurological deficits as a result of the surgery?"

"Let me break this down for you, doctor," Thatcher said. "If I were a dog you'd put me down. Someone would take me out and shoot me. I don't want to turn into some kind of vegetable. If I could keep my hand steady I'd discharge myself and find my gun but I can't do that so I want you to operate."

"You're hoping to die in surgery?" Derek asked, bewildered. "You want me to kill you so that you don't have to do it yourself?"

"I want you to perform the surgery," Thatcher said with a knowing look in his eye. He knew that if he answered 'yes' that Derek would have a psychiatrist assessing him. "Maybe I can get another couple of years," he said unconvincingly. Derek's jaw clenched. He had to prevent himself from exploding at Thatcher in that moment.

"Doctor Stevens," Derek said to Izzie. "I'd like you run though this surgical procedure in detail with Mister Grey. Make sure he understands exactly what I will be doing." Izzie nodded.

"No problem," she replied. Derek stood up and turned to leave.

"I have back to back surgeries all week," he said. "But I can stay back tonight and do this if he agrees." Derek turned his attention to Thatcher, just before he left. "And just so you know, Mister Grey. If you agree to the surgery, I will be doing everything in my power not only to save, but to prolong your life. I wouldn't be looking at this surgery as a death sentence if I were you. I don't want you to be disappointed,"

When Derek exited the room he found Christina Yang standing there.

"What?" he asked annoyed.

"Does he want the surgery?" she asked. Derek nodded. "He wants me to kill him, yes." He shook his head in defiance. "That's not gonna happen." He looked at Christina. "Yes, you can scrub in. You, your interns, Doctor Stevens and her interns. I want all hands on deck. He is not gonna die on my watch."

&&&

Meredith was well into her surgery with Doctor Hahn, her eager interns observing every movement, hoping to be asked to do something. Meredith looked up and locked eyes with George. He looked nervous and panicked. She gave him an inquisitorial look and he looked away. Meredith didn't like surprises. She needed to know what everyone was so uncomfortable about but the OR was the wrong place to ask.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

"What are you doing?" Cristina asked, entering an examination room that Derek had set up as a mock OR. He had a mould of a human brain in front of him.

"Practicing," he replied. "It's been a couple of years since I last attempted this surgery." "Does Meredith know yet?" Cristina shook her head.  
"She's in surgery. She'll probably get out an hour before we prep him." Derek sighed, feeling helpless. "You don't seem too confident," Cristina observed.

"Usually I'm working with patients who'd do anything to live," Derek said. "God, Thatcher's such a selfish bastard," he mumbled to himself. "Sorry," he said. "I'm your teacher. I shouldn't be talking about a patient like that."

"It's fine," Cristina said. "He is a bastard. A bastard who's gonna live whether he wants to or not." Derek smiled a little.

"That's right," he said.

"Mind if I watch?" Cristina asked.

"Not at all," Derek answered.

&&&

"You're doing well," Doctor Erica Hahn said firmly, but encouragingly as Meredith delicately manipulated the surgical tools on their patient. Doctor Hahn was tough. She liked to throw her pupils in the deep end and Meredith was holding up under pressure. They had been in surgery for four hours.

"Done," Meredith said, taking a deep breath. Doctor Hahn checked over Meredith's work.

"You did good," she said. "I can do the rest on my own. Take an early mark."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"I find it hard to concentrate with a crowded OR," Hahn replied. "You can all watch from the gallery." Meredith and her interns exited the OR and washed their hands in the scrub rooms.

"Does anyone have any questions?" Meredith wearily asked her interns. They shook their heads. "Okay," she sighed. "Go study or something. I'll page you when I need you." Meredith's interns left with the exception of George. "What?" Meredith asked. George didn't reply. "You're starting to freak me out, George."  
"Sorry," George mumbled.

"Don't say sorry," Meredith protested. "Tell me why you're being weird; why Lexie's upset… you know something."

"Okay," George said, giving in. Meredith's pager went off.

"Dammit,' she said. "The parents of a patient from a surgery yesterday just arrived. I have to see them. Meet me in the surgeon's lounge, okay? We'll talk." George nodded reluctantly. He wasn't looking forward to the conversation.

&&&

"George!" Lexie called out after him as she spotted him walking down the hall. George turned around. "How'd it go?"

"Uh… I haven't told her yet."

"Dad's having the surgery. Doctor Shepherd's gonna start in two hours."

"I'm about to tell her," George said.

"Okay," Lexie said nervously, wishing that there was more that she could do.

&&&

Meredith carefully closed the door to her patient's room. His exhausted parents had flown in from Texas and reminded at a bedside vigil, waiting for him to wake up from his induced coma. Meredith had informed them of his condition and they had asked to be left alone with him. Meredith was on her way out of the ward, glancing through patient windows out of habit, when her heart skipped a beat. She stopped and took a step back to make sure that she wasn't imagining things. Meredith took a deep breath and slowly looked through the window. She wasn't mistaken. Her father was lying in a bed wearing a patient gown and Derek Shepherd was talking to him. She couldn't hear what was being said but judging from the grim expressions on their faces she knew it wasn't good. Derek turned to leave the room and Meredith knew that if she didn't move fast than he would see her but her feet remained glued to the floor.

Derek opened the door, holding the scans that he had been carrying all day, and was surprised to see Meredith standing there.

"What…?" she started to ask but couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. "Why is he…?"

"Meredith," Derek said in a gentle tone that she hadn't heard for a long time. "Why don't we go for a walk?"

"I don't want to go for a walk," Meredith said adamantly. "I want to know why my father… no, Thatcher, is having a consult with you." Derek looked around at the busy hall. This wasn't the right place. They spotted Lexie at the end of the hall.

"It's okay," Lexie said. "You can tell her. You have my permission."

"Tell me what?" Meredith asked, almost yelling.

"Please come and sit down," Derek said.

"Just tell me," Meredith replied, her anger increasing. "I'm a doctor. Just tell me the diagnosis."

'You're his daughter," Derek contended. "You're family."

"No I'm not," Meredith said through clenched teeth. Derek didn't say anything. He gave her the 'dreamy' look that usually made her weak at the knees. Meredith snatched the scans out of Derek's hand and opened them as she walked down the hall.

"Meredith, no!" Derek shouted after her, trying to prevent her from seeing the scans but it was too late. With a trembling hand, Meredith was holding the scans up into the light. She could see the unmissible mass in her father's brain. "Meredith…" Derek said gently.

"Thank you, Doctor Shepherd. That's all I wanted to know," Meredith said in her best doctor voice. She handed the scans to Derek and rushed out of the ward, not acknowledging Lexie who was standing there.

"Meredith…" Lexie said, starting to go after her.

"Just leave her," Derek said. "She needs some space."

"But she has less than two hours," Lexie tearfully protested.

"Shhh," Derek said soothingly, resting his strong hands on Lexie's shoulders. "Just give her some time to process it and I'll go talk to her, okay?" Lexie nodded, wiping the tears away from her face.

&&&

Meredith slammed the door shut on a cubicle to the ladies room. As much as she tried to resist them, defiant tears streamed down her face. Meredith felt panicked, as though the walls were closing in on her.

Cristina went into the ladies room.

"Ah crap," she said to herself when she heard someone crying in one of the stalls. She sighed heavily, hoping to ignore it. Then she heard a sob. "Uh… are you okay in there?" Cristina asked, trying to sound sympathetic.

"Yes."

"Meredith?" Cristina asked, recognising the voice. "Mer, open the door." Meredith slowly opened the door to the stall and stepped out. "What happened?"

"Thatcher has cancer," Meredith said, her face red from crying. Cristina looked away uncomfortably. "You knew," Meredith said. It was more an accusation than a question.

"Yeah," Cristina said, still unable to look at Meredith. "I'm scrubbing in."

"He's having surgery?" Meredith asked, shocked. She stormed out of the ladies room and away from Cristina with tears streaming down her face. She didn't see Derek rounding the corner and they walked straight into each other.

"Ow!" Derek said, surprised. "Meredith?" he took her by the shoulders and tipped her chin up gently to look into her eyes. Meredith wanted to run but she couldn't. Derek softly wiped the tears away from her face with his hand. "Say something," he whispered.

"I thought I had more time," Meredith said.

"What do you mean?" Derek asked.

"With Thatcher," Meredith said in a trembling voice. "He's gonna die isn't he?" Derek nodded sadly. Meredith took a shaky breath. "I thought that we had more time to get things right. I never thought that… I mean…" she couldn't get the words out but Derek knew what she wanted to say. He pulled Meredith close to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly, breathing her in. Meredith allowed herself to be held for the first time in a long time. It felt so good, she never wanted him to let go.

"Meredith," Derek said in a serious voice. "I know this sucks, but I'm going to be operating very soon. Now there's a very real chance that your father-"

"Thatcher," Meredith interrupted.

"That's right," Derek corrected himself. "That Thatcher won't survive the surgery or that he'll be brain damaged. So if there's something you need to say you should say it now."


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the reviews. Please continue to let me know what you think.

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Meredith stood outside Thatcher Grey's room, peering through the blinds on the window of the door.

"You going in?" Meredith jumped, a little startled when she heard Lexie's voice.

"I… uh…" Meredith stammered.

"It's okay," Lexie said, joining Meredith at the door and peering through the blinds as well. "I don't know what to say either." Meredith sighed.

"You go in," she said to Lexie. Meredith turned to leave.

"He's your dad too!" Lexie protested. "I don't want you to have any regrets." Meredith looked at her father again. She was torn.

"Look, Lexie," Meredith said. "I don't mean any disrespect but he's not my dad. He's my father but he isn't my dad." She turned to walk away again.

"Please," Lexie said in a pleading voice that sounded almost desperate. "I can't do this alone." Meredith turned back to face Lexie who's eyes were filled with tears. "I need to go in there and Molly's in Florida. She spoke to Dad on the phone before. I know you don't wanna be my sister but right now I really need a sister." Meredith didn't say anything for a moment. She felt genuinely sorry for Lexie.

"Okay," Meredith said quietly. Lexie opened the door and Meredith reluctantly followed. Just as they entered the room Lexie grabbed onto Meredith's hand for support. Meredith gave it a supportive squeeze and tried to hide her nerves as they entered Thatcher's room. Meredith stood close to the door, ready to make run for it if she had to while Lexie went over to Thatcher and gave him a kiss on the forehead. Meredith looked away uncomfortably.

Lexie launched into a fast paced speech of seemingly everything she ever wanted to tell her father. All good things. Nothing about his mood swings, his alcohol abuse or the way that he had treated her ever since her mother had passed away, Meredith listened as she stared at her feet.

"Meredith…" Thatcher said in a quiet voice when Lexie had finished. Meredith raised her head and rested her eyes on her fragile looking father. "I'm sorry for everything," he said to her. Meredith swallowed hard. She hadn't expected this. "Meredith?" Thatcher said, puzzled at her blank expression.

"Okay…" Meredith stammered, unsure of what else to say. Thatcher gave Meredith a look that she had never seen him give her before; the look that a loving father gives his daughter. He stretched his arms out in front of him.

"Come here, sweetheart," he said. Meredith looked at Lexie, panicked.

"I uh…" Meredith stammered. She backed away further towards the door. "I have this patient and I have to… go." Meredith grasped the handle of the door behind her, turned and made a hasty exit.

Meredith went to the surgeon's lounge and sat on the couch, fearing that her knees would buckle if she remained standing.

"Hey," Derek said from the coffee machine. Meredith had been in such a state that she hadn't noticed him. "I'm just getting some caffeine in to me before the surgery." He noticed Meredith's stunned expression. "You saw him?" Meredith nodded. Derek slowly walked to the couch and took a seat next to Meredith, waiting for her to pull away. She didn't. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"He talked to me like I was his daughter," Meredith said in disbelief. "For the first time in my life he gave me that look." She shrugged as if she didn't care. "It was probably the morphine kicking in. Or maybe he snuck some alcohol in here."

"Maybe he meant it," Derek suggested, nervous about saying something since it was the first time that Meredith had opened up to him for as long as he could remember. Meredith sighed.

"I've been doing just fine not feeling a thing for him for so long and now he goes and does this to me," she said staring at her feet. "I shouldn't have even gone in there."

"I don't think you should watch the surgery," Derek said. He rested his hand against Meredith's back and soothingly rubbed it. She didn't resist.

"I don't wanna watch," Meredith said.

"Good," Derek said, giving her the McDreamy look. "Why don't you go home and we'll keep you informed?"

"You don't have to," Meredith said, again pretending not to care. "I hardly know the guy remember… but I think I'll go home anyway. I have things to do."

"Good," Derek said with a little smile. Being able to concentrate one hundred percent on Thatcher's surgery meant not having to worry where Meredith was.

"Doctor Shepherd," Cristina said, entering the surgeon's lounge. She stopped when she saw Derek and Meredith sitting close together on the couch. "Oh… sorry," she said, feeling guilty for intruding.

"Don't be," Derek said. "What is it?"

"The OR is prepped and Mister Grey is ready for surgery."

"Thank you, Doctor Yang," Derek said with a little smile. Cristina gave her person a quick look to make sure that she was going to be okay and headed to the OR.

"Go do your surgery," Meredith said, still looking at her feet. Derek gently touched Meredith's chin and tilted it up so that she was looking into his calming eyes. They were just as inviting as they'd always been. Derek leaned in for a moment and it seemed as though he was going to kiss her on the lips. Meredith's heart raced as he leant in towards her and kissed her on the forehead.

"We'll talk soon," he said gently. Meredith nodded as she watched Derek leave. She closed her eyes and laid down on the couch, hoping that if she wished for it hard enough, the whole day would be erased.

"Okay people, it's a beautiful night to save lives. Let's have some fun," Derek said to his surgical team, comprised of Cristina, Izzie and their interns as well as several specialist nurses. "Doctor Stevens, would you like to make the first incision?"

&&&

"Meredith?" George called out as he arrived home. She had left Seattle Grace without giving her interns further instructions and he had been forced to take charge for the remainder of the evening. "Whoa," he said, stepping back as he noticed how extremely clean the house was. The floors had been polished, the piles of washing on the couch had been removed, and everything looked extra shiny. "Mer?" George asked, nervously. In the entire time that he had lived with Meredith he had never seen her clean. George went up the stairs and when he reached the top he found Meredith polishing the railing.

"Oh hi, George," she said with a big smile.

"Hey," George said nervously. "What ya doing?"

"Cleaning," Meredith replied as she polished.  
"Mer… you don't clean," George said, watching the woman standing before him and wondering when she'd bring back Meredith.

"You left us interns in the lurch today," George said.

"Oh I'm sorry. I really had to clean," Meredith answered with another smile.

"I'll be right back," George said, starting to freak out. He went back downstairs and called Izzie's phone. Alex answered it from the gallery. "I need to speak to Izzie," George demanded before Alex could say anything.

"Dude, she's in surgery with Shepherd. It's awesome," Alex said, not taking his eyes off the procedure that he was witnessing for the first time.

"I NEED to speak to her," George said, almost yelling.

"She's standing over Meredith's dad's open brain, O'Malley," George said.

"Alex, I'm serious," George said.

"You owe me," Alex said, put out, as he went down the stairs and into the scrub room. He opened the door and called out to Izzie who approached him, not amused.

"What is it?" she hissed.

"George," Alex replied, holding the phone up to Izzie's ear.

"What?" Izzie asked George into the phone.

"Meredith's cleaned the whole house, she's smiling and laughing and…. Oh God now she's started singing and I don't know what to do," George said, panicked.

"What?" Izzie asked. It was an unexpected announcement.

"I said she's singing," George said desperately.

"Um… well…" Izzie tried to think of what she'd do. "She might wanna lie down soon. Clean the bathroom floor."

"I don't have to. She already did that!" George said exasperated.

"I… I have to go," Izzie said. "Just keep an eye on her okay?"

"But-" Izzie nodded to Alex who hung up the phone and Izzie went back into surgery.

"Everything alright, Stevens?" Derek asked.

"Sure," Izzie replied, a little too happily. Cristina knew that something was up.

&&&

Four hours later Cristina Yang went to the interns' locker room and found Lexie sitting alone on the bench.

"Please don't have any bad news," Lexie said tearfully, looking up at Cristina.

"No, it went really well. Better than we expected," Cristina said. "Have you been sitting here alone all this time?"

"I didn't know where to go," Lexie confessed. "Can I see him?"

"Sure," Cristina said, nodding, finding herself feeling sorry for Lexie but trying not to show it. "He's in ICU, he's unconscious and we don't know if he's suffered any brain damage as of yet but so far it's more than we'd hoped for."

"Good," Lexie said nodding.

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" Cristina asked, tying to sound casual. Lexie shrugged. "I can't go back to his house. Probably here."

"I have a couch if you want it," Cristina said. "It's really comfortable. I mean… I guess you could sleep there."

"Thanks," Lexie said appreciatively. She knew what a big deal it was for her resident to offer her anything.

&&&

George had been sitting by the fireplace in the living room, clearly freaked out by Meredith's bout of domesticity. He jumped up, startled when the doorbell rang. He opened it to find Derek standing there.

"Hey, George," Derek said. He stepped inside. "Whoa," he said, taking in the immaculate cleanliness of the house. "Been doing some cleaning?"

"Not me," George said, pointing to the top of the stairs where Derek could faintly hear Meredith humming.

"Is she?..." Derek asked, concerned before heading up the stairs and into Meredith's room where she was cleaning a mirror. "Meredith?" Derek asked, surprised. _We all deal with bad news in different ways, _he told himself.

"Hey," Meredith said, her voice sounding worried. She turned to face Derek in all seriousness. The cleaning spree had been a distraction from what she didn't want to think about all night. Now she had to face reality.

"He made it through the surgery," Derek said. "He's in ICU." Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't believe how relieved she felt. Her breathing became more rapid as she stopped and took in the events of the day. "Mer?" Derek asked, concerned. Meredith leant against the wall for support. She was starting to hyperventilate. "Hey," Derek said softly, resting his strong hands on her shoulders and looking deep into her eyes. "Take slow deep breaths," he said softly. He pulled Meredith close to him. She rested her head against his muscular chest and breathed deeply in time with his heart beat. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly.

"Stay the night," she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about the lack of updates for this fic. I've been very sick. Now I'm hoping that I'll be able to update more regularly. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I love reading your feedback so please keep the reviews coming!

**CHAPTER FIVE**

The next day, Meredith awoke with Derek's arms around her, holding her close. He was still half asleep, exhausted after performing Thatcher's surgery the night before. Meredith yawned and snuggled further into Derek's chest. Derek pulled her closer to him and nuzzled her neck with his head. In that moment, Meredith realised just how much she missed these intimate, loving moments with Derek. It wasn't that she didn't want them, but having Lexie around and dealing with Thatcher's abandonment all over again had caused Meredith to put too many defences up to prevent anyone from hurting her. She had been hurting herself so that nobody else could. Meredith wondered if asking Derek to stay the night meant that she was no longer 'dark and twisty.'

"Good morning," Derek murmured when he awoke. He kissed Meredith on the neck just like he had done so a hundred times before.

"Hi," Meredith said back with a little smile.

"Is that breakfast I smell?" Derek asked. Meredith nodded with a little laugh. "She's cooking bacon!" he said excitedly. "I've missed Izzie's cooking almost as much as I've missed you. Let's eat."

"You eat," Meredith said. "I have to be at work early this morning." Derek looked at her, worried. "I'm not freaking out and abandoning you, I promise," Meredith said reassuringly. "I just really have to do this thing." She leant over and kissed Derek on the lips.

"Okay. I'll see you at work," Derek said.

&&&

Meredith made sure that no body was watching her as she walked the hospital halls and went into her father's room. She checked his patient chart and the observations that the nurses had made through the night. He was going strong. Meredith noticed Thatcher starting to stir.

"Thatcher?" she said, going over to him. She took a tiny torch out of her pocket and checked his pupil's responses. "Can you hear me?"

"Lexie?" Thatcher asked, confused.

"No, it's Meredith," Meredith corrected him. Thatcher opened his eyes and stared up at Meredith.

"Did I…." his voice trailed off.

"You've had the surgery," Meredith said. "Doctor Shepherd operated last night. He managed to get most of the tumor without causing any brain damage."

"Oh," Thatcher said weakly, closing his eyes again. "Where's Lexie?"

"I'm sure she'll be in soon," Meredith said.

"She's a good girl," Thatcher mumbled.

"Yeah she is," Meredith said.

"You're a good girl too, Meredith," Thatcher said. "I never told you that enough." He swallowed loudly. Meredith didn't know whether it was the painkillers talking or not but she was intrigued by what she was saying.

"I'm not a good girl," Meredith said. "But that's not all your fault. Anyway, I'm glad that you're okay. I have to start work now."

"I should have fought harder for you," Thatcher said just as Meredith was about to leave. Meredith stopped in her tracks. "I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you. I loved you so much but you never knew that because I didn't fight for you. If you ever felt unworthy in your life, it's because of me." Meredith's eyes filled with tears. The words that Thatcher was speaking, whether drug induced or not, were hitting home. "I tried to make up for all the things I didn't do for you by being a great Dad to my other girls. Do you think that God can forgive me for what I've done? I did such a terrible thing." Meredith turned and faced her father. She was bewildered and didn't know what to say.

"I… uh… I really have to start work, Thatcher."

"You can't even call me Dad," Thatcher said sadly. "I was never a dad to you."

"No," Meredith replied. She looked him in the eye and the words tumbled out of her mouth. "I used to make up stories about why my dad wasn't around," Meredith said to her father in a shaky voice. She couldn't believe that she was confessing this to him. She had never told anyone. "I used to say that my Daddy was an astronaut and was on the moon when you didn't come to my recitals. I made the other kids so jealous because their fathers were there. I made up your favourite colour and the sound of your voice. You weren't there so I had to invent you."

"I'm so sorry, Meredith," Thatcher said with tears in his eyes. "If I could go back and do it all again I would. I would fight for you. I wouldn't let your mother move you to Boston. I'd be at your recitals and you would be standing here right now treating me like I'm your dad and not just another patient." Meredith wiped away the tears that had streamed defiantly down her cheeks.

"Yeah well, we can't go back," she said.

"If you don't mind… I mean, if you're not too busy, I'd really like you to get the chance to know the real me," Thatcher said. Meredith's first instinct was to lie. To say that she had a million things to do and not admit that she had come in early just to make sure that her father was still alive. However, in that moment, Meredith's tough exterior was overpowered by the little girl inside her who, for her whole life, had been yearning to feel whole.

"Okay," Meredith said in a little voice. This was unchartered territory for her. She sat down on a chair away from the bed.

"Come closer," Thatcher said gently. Meredith moved the chair closer to Thatcher's bed. He reached out slowly and gently took her tiny hand in his. His touch felt warm and comforting, a feeling that Meredith wasn't used to experiencing. "I was born in Washington…" Thatcher started.

Outside Thatcher's room, Lexie Grey peered through the window, smiling satisfactorily at her father and sister bonding. She listened to Thatcher tell his life story, which she had heard many times before, to Meredith who was experiencing it for the first time.

&&&

"Where's Grey?" Bailey asked from the nurses station in the surgical ward where her Residents had gathered, awaiting instruction later that morning.

"She's with her father, Ma'am," Lexie answered. She had been pacing the halls, not wanting to interrupt their bonding session. "I wouldn't interrupt her."

"Okay then," Bailey said with a sigh. "Yang," you can stay on Mister Grey's case. He will need surgery again down the track so I want you to work with Shepherd on a treatment plan. Stevens, you're no longer needed here. You can work with Sloane, Karev, you're with Hahn. Please remember that you are teachers now so include your interns where possible. I-" Bailey was interrupted by alarms ringing. A patient was in trouble.

"It's coming from room 12," one of the nurses shouted. "Page Doctor Shepherd."

"That's my patient," Cristina said.

"Dad?" Lexie asked, worried, from where she had been eavesdropping. Cristina and Bailey ran into Thatcher Grey's room, trailed by the other on duty residents. When they reached the room, they found Thatcher having a seizure on the bed.

"He was just talking!" Meredith said, panicking. "We were just talking and he started slurring. Then he stopped and started seizing." Cristina checked Thatcher's pupils with a torch.

"His right pupil's blown!" Cristina shouted.

"No!" Meredith shouted back, her voice trembling. "I just checked his pupils before. They were fine,"

"Where's Doctor Shepherd?" Bailey shouted out. Lexie stood back, frozen in fear with the other residents, Meredith's friends, watching the chaos unfolding before her.

"I'm here," Derek said. He ran into the room and checked Thatcher's pupils. "Shit!" Thatcher suddenly went completely still.

"There's no pulse," Cristina said. "Code blue!" Alex hit the emergency alarm and two nurses came running in with a crash cart.

"Dad!" Meredith shouted out, the fear evident in her voice. Cristina commenced CPR on Thatcher.

"Charge to 300," Derek ordered.

"Clear!" Cristina shouted. Thatcher's body thrashed violently as Derek blasted him with jolts of electricity from the defibrillator.

"Still no pulse," Bailey said, with dread in her voice.

"Charge again!" Derek ordered.

"Dad!" Meredith shouted out, the cry escaping her as though she was a little girl. Derek looked up and saw tears streaming down her face.

"Someone get her out of here!" Derek yelled amidst the chaos.

"Clear!" Cristina shouted. Derek jolted Thatcher with the defibrillator again.

"Still no response," Bailey said. Izzie and George went over to where Meredith was standing, crying at her father's bedside.

"Come on," Izzie said gently.

"No, I'm staying," Meredith protested.

"Get her out of here," Derek said once again. Izzie and George led Meredith out of the room and into the hallway where they could still hear everything that was happening in Thatcher's room.

"He's probably bleeding into his brain," Cristina said. "We need to get him back to surgery."

"We won't know where he's bleeding until we get a CT scan," Derek said. "And we can't get a scan until he's stable. Clear!" Derek jolted Thatcher once again with the defibrillator.

"Still no response," Bailey said, sounding worried. "He's been down too long."

"She's right," Cristina said.

"No," Derek said defiantly. "Charge to 360. Do not die on me!" he warned Thatcher. "Clear!" Derek jolted Thatcher for the final time. There was no response.

"You're going to have to call it, Doctor Shepherd," Bailey said, sadly. Derek stepped back. He waited to see if the machines would pick up a sinus rhythm. There was nothing.

"Time of death, 8:32am," he said bitterly.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry that this is such a short update. I can feel a migraine coming on… I can't feel one side of my body so I'm off to bed. I hope you like what I have written though and I'll update it when I can.

PS- I've enabled anonymous reviews (hint hint)

**CHAPTER SIX**

Everyone slowly stepped away from the deceased body of Thatcher Grey. The nurses respectfully left the room. Derek stared at Thatcher, emotions racing through him. He couldn't get the image of Meredith crying and calling out for her father out of his mind.

"Derek…" Cristina said nervously. He looked over at her. She was expecting him to take the lead as the senior surgeon on the case. He knew that she couldn't tell her best friend that her father was dead.

"Okay," Derek said quietly to Cristina. He took a deep breath and stepped into the hall. He looked over at Meredith who had her back against the wall. Izzie was doing her best to try and comfort her but Meredith just stared straight ahead as if she was in another world. She knew that her father was gone forever.

"Derek?" Lexie called out a small voice. He turned and saw her standing alone by the nurses' station. She had left amidst the chaos, unable to watch the desperate efforts to revive her father. Derek walked over to her solemnly. He looked her in the eyes sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Lexie," he said, just as he had said many times before. It never got easier, especially when Derek knew those left behind. "We did everything that we could." Lexie's dark eyes filled with tears. She took a shaky breath. "Is there anyone that I can call for you?" Derek asked. Lexie shook her head.

"No," she said through tears. "There's no one you can call. No one at all." Derek looked at Lexie sadly. He felt genuinely sorry for her. "Well if there's anything that I can do please let me know, okay?" Lexie nodded, tears streaming down her face. Derek gave her hand a supportive squeeze. "You're gonna get though this," he said gently. "I promise." George approached them.

"Do you wanna see your dad?" he asked. Lexie shook her head.

"No, I don't want to remember him like that," she said, wiping her eyes with her hand.

"Okay, well how about I take you home?" George suggested. Lexie nodded and allowed George to lead her away slowly.

Derek turned around and saw that Meredith was gone from where she had been standing. He gave Izzie a questioning look.

"She just left," Izzie said. Derek started down the hall, looking frantically for Meredith. He stopped at the end of the hall, trying to think of where she could have gone. He turned as he heard a noise coming from behind him. It was coming from one of the supply closets. He tapped on the door and heard sniffling.

"Meredith?" Meredith let out a sob when she heard Derek's voice. He slowly opened the door and found Meredith sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up tightly to her chest. He felt a lump in his throat as he went into the closet and closed the door behind him. He sat down beside Meredith. He waned to wrap his arms around her but Meredith usually pulled away from such emotional intimacy.

"Meredith…" he started. He didn't even know what to say. There was nothing that he could say. Tears streamed down Meredith's face.

"I shouldn't care," Meredith said through the tears that kept falling. "I never had a father. I shouldn't care that he's gone now."

"But you do," Derek said. Meredith nodded, clearly frustrated that she was upset. She stared straight ahead in the darkness.

"Why did he have to talk to me?" she asked no body in particular. "Why couldn't we have just kept our distance? Why did he have to say that he was sorry and that he should have fought for me and that he loved me?" She turned to Derek. She knew that he didn't have any answers. Meredith surprised Derek and herself by resting her head against Derek's shoulder and moving closer to him as the tears continued to fall. Derek gently put an arm around her.

"It's okay," he whispered softly. "You're okay." Meredith didn't say anything. She allowed Derek to comfort her. He wiped a stray tear away from Meredith's cheek. As he went to move his hand away she grasped it in hers and held on to it. This time she wasn't pushing him away.


	7. Chapter 7

Please review 

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Meredith waited in the hall as Derek went back to Thatcher's room where everyone was crowded nervously outside.

"Doctor Bailey, can you take it from here?" Derek asked. "I have to go."

"Sure," Bailey replied. "I'll finish the paperwork. You take her home."

"Thank you," Derek said. He turned to Cristina.

"Are you able to follow this one through, Doctor Yang?" he asked. Cristina nodded. "Are you sure?" he checked again.

"Yes, Doctor Shepherd," Cristina said. "I'll take care of it. No problem." Derek sighed and looked around at the crowd that had gathered.

"You should all get back to work," he said wearily before walking away. He went back to where Meredith was standing. He took her hand in his and led her to the elevator. Derek didn't know what to say to her. He knew that he couldn't make the situation any better, as much as he wanted to. They rode the elevator in silence. As they left the hospital, Meredith and Derek spotted George and Lexie walking towards George's car.

"Lexie!" Meredith called out. George and Lexie stopped and turned around. Meredith broke free of Derek's grasp and jogged toward her sister. "Are you going home?" she asked. Lexie nodded, staring at her feet.

"Do you want to come back to my place?" Meredith asked. "You shouldn't be alone." Lexie looked up at her sister with what Meredith thought was a look of contempt.

"I don't know how I can go back home," she admitted, quietly. "Not now."

"You don't have to yet," George said, supportively. "Let's just go back to Meredith's house."

"Okay," Lexie agreed reluctantly.

&&&

"I feel like we should do something," Izzie said as she helped Cristina with the paperwork for Thatcher Grey.

"Like what?" Cristina asked, cynically.

"I don't know," Izzie said. "Send Mer flowers?"

"Mer's not that into flowers," Cristina said.

"It's the thought behind it, Cristina," Izzie said. "It shows that we care." Cristina signed off on a document and looked up at Izzie.

"Mer wasn't even close to Thatcher. She hardly knew the guy" she said defensively. "He wasn't a father to her." Izzie glared at Critsina.

"Oh, so it was just me who saw her reaction when he died in front of her?" Izzie snapped. "She was devastated, Cristina. You're supposed to be her best friend. Maybe you should start acting like it." Cristina gave Izzie a weird look. Izzie slammed her folder shut. "Finish it yourself," she snapped and stormed off.

Izzie stormed into the pit.

"Where do you want me?" she asked Bailey.

"There's an incoming trauma in a few minutes," Bailey answered. "You can go and help Karev."

"Sounds good to me," Izzie said, heading outside.

"What's up with you?" Alex asked as Izzie joined him at the ambulance bay, still fuming.

"Cristina's a freaking robot," Izzie said.

"No she's not," Alex said. "She's just better at hiding her emotions than you are." Izzie sighed.

"I wanna organise something for Meredith to show our support. Any ideas?"

"Tequila?" Alex suggested, shrugging. Izzie glared at him.

&&&

Meredith and Derek arrived back at her house. They hadn't spoken for the whole drive home.

"I'm sorry," Meredith finally said, embarrassed.

"What for?" Derek asked.

"For freaking out like that," Meredith said.

"You shouldn't be sorry for grieving," Derek said. "It's a normal human reaction." Meredith looked up at Derek, still embarrassed and wondering where they stood. Derek was wondering the same thing.

"You didn't have to leave work," Meredith said.

"I want to be here," Derek said. "I don't want to be at work." He waited for Meredith to push him away, to tell him to go back to work but she didn't.

"I feel like I should do something for Lexie," Meredith said. "Maybe I should cook something."

"I don't think she'd feel up to eating right now," Derek said, trying to avoid another omelet disaster. That was the last thing that Lexie needed.

&&&

George kept an eye on Lexie as he drove to Meredith's house. She had gone from appearing utterly devastated to looking extremely angry. Her jaw was clenched firmly as she looked out of the passenger window.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, knowing that it was a stupid question to ask.

"She wasted so much time," Lexie said quietly.

"Who did?" George asked, puzzled.

"Meredith," Lexie said quietly.

"What do you mean?" George asked her. Lexie shook her head, indicating that she didn't want to discuss it any further. All of the things that she had ever wanted to say to her sister were running though her head. When they reached Meredith's house Lexie hesitated for a moment before getting out of the car.

"I can take you somewhere else if you don't want to be here," George offered.

"Like where?" Lexie asked. "There's no where for me to go." George knew that she was right.

George opened the door of the house and Lexie walked in to the living room where Meredith and Derek were sitting on the couch.

"Hey," Meredith said nervously. Before she entered the house, Lexie had decided that it wasn't the right time to confront Meredith about what she'd been thinking the whole car ride home. She immediately changed her mind when she saw Meredith sitting there looking upset.

"You're a hypocrite," Lexie said with quiet anger. Meredith looked puzzled.

"What?" Meredith asked, confused. Lexie was always sucking up to her. Meredith had hardly even seen her angry, let alone at her. Meredith looked at Derek, giving him a hint to leave her alone with Lexie. He took the hint and joined George in the kitchen.

"You're a hypocrite," Lexie said again to Meredith. "I can't believe the scene that you made in there." Her voice was getting louder and harsher as the anger within her rose to the surface. "My mother tried to make you a part of my father's life and you wanted nothing to do with him! I tried to have a relationship with you and you treated me like crap! You would have had more respect for a dog! We found out that our father was dying and still you wanted nothing to do with him! You have one conversation with him and then you carry on like your whole world has been turned upside down!" Meredith didn't know what to say. She was surprised to even be hearing Lexie saying all of this.

"Nothing's changed for you," Lexie said, getting emotional now. "You couldn't care less whether you had a father or not. He was just some drunken stranger to you. You didn't wanna know him. You can just go back to your selfish existence. But he was all I had! He was imperfect but he was my dad and he was the only person that I had left in the world because my mother's dead and my own sister rejected me."

"Lexie… I," Meredith started to stammer.

"No," Lexie said, crying now. "I don't want to hear it. I can't handle anything right now, especially you pretending that you care." George crept up behind Lexie.

"Lexie…" he uttered softly, trying to get her to calm down.

"I have to get out of here," Lexie said, feeling suffocated. She started to leave when George grabbed her arm.  
"Don't to that," he said softly. "Don't go out on the roads while you're upset. Just stay. Go up to my room. Just don't leave." Lexie nodded, trembling. She turned and walked up the stairs and away from Meredith.


	8. Chapter 8

I've finally decided to update this one

I've finally decided to update this one. This fic hasn't gained as many reviews as some of my fics which is a shame… so please review for me. I'd really appreciate it.

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

"Lexie…" George said, knocking on his locked bedroom door. He could hear Lexie crying from inside. He hated the sound and wished that there was something that he could do to ease her pain.

"I know what it's like to lose a father," George offered. He was met by more crying. "If you just open the door we can talk about it and…" his voice trailed off as he realized that Lexie wasn't going to open the door. He thought back to when his own father had passed away. He hadn't even acknowledged the fact, let alone talked about it.

"If you need anything, I'm right here," he said softly before turning away. George sighed and walked down the stairs. He knew that no matter how long he was a doctor he would never get used to people being upset. He hated it. "Where's Meredith?" he asked Derek as he reached the living room.

"She's gone up to her bedroom," Derek replied sadly. He stood up and ascended the stairs, not knowing how Meredith would react to him, but expecting her to push him away. His heart ached as he heard Lexie's sobs from George's room and he was surprised to hear Meredith's voice as he walked down the hall. He went into her room and saw that she was talking on the phone.

"So how much would that total, approximately?" she asked into the phone. "Okay. Well I'll get back to you. Thank you for your help." Meredith hung up the phone and started jotting something down on a notepad. She didn't seem to notice Derek standing in the room.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked her.

"Organizing funeral arrangements," Meredith answered as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

"Meredith," Derek said, trying to get her to stop.

"I think we should go with this place," Meredith said, holding up the notebook. "They're classy but they're not too expensive. Lexie won't have to sell Thatcher's house to pay for the funeral."

"Meredith," Derek said again. "There's plenty of time for this. Right now you don't have to-"

"I was thinking maybe people shouldn't bring flowers," Meredith said, as though she hadn't heard Derek. "Maybe a donation to a charity would be better. Although I don't know what charities he supported…or if he liked flowers."

"Meredith, stop," Derek said, taking a step closer to her. Meredith looked back at the notepad. Derek sat on the bed, close to Meredith and took the notepad away from her. "What Lexie said before…" he started.

"Was the truth," Meredith interrupted. Derek shook his head. "It is the truth," Meredith said defensively. "I hardly knew the guy and I freaked out in there. If anyone should be grieving, it should be Lexie, not me."

"You didn't know him like most daughters know their fathers," Derek said in soft voice, taking Meredith's hand, "but he was your father. He wasn't a perfect man but no man is. He was your father and he's not here anymore. You have a right to be upset about that." Derek ran his hand through her hair. "Besides," he said, giving her a little smile. "Repression doesn't make for a very bright and shiny Meredith."

"We didn't have enough time," Meredith said in a little voice. "I always thought that we'd figure it out one day and now we'll never have that chance,

"I know," Derek said sadly. "We never know how much time we have left." It was a message that hit close to home for Meredith. Derek was in love with her and she was in love with him. _Why are we wasting so much time? _She thought to herself.

"I'm tired," Meredith said, with a yawn.

"I'll go," Derek said, assuming that Meredith was hinting at him to leave. Meredith took Derek's hand as he started to stand back up.

"Can you stay with me?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Of course," Derek said, sitting back down on the bed and moving closer to Meredith.

"I'm trying here," Meredith said honestly. "I'm trying to let you in."

"I know," Derek said, giving her his McDreamy smile. "It takes time." Meredith nodded.

"It does," she said. "But I want you to stay here with me… and stay the night." Derek nodded. Meredith laid down on the bed and Derek laid beside her. He wrapped his arms around Meredith and pulled her in close to him, breathing her in. Meredith didn't object to his intimacy. Instead she allowed herself to be comforted by the man that she knew was the love of her life.

Xxx

Izzie wandered around the hospital gift shop alone, looking for something to buy Meredith and Lexie. Something that they would appreciate in their time of grief. She was surprised to see Alex enter the shop.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him judgmentally. "I thought you just wanted to get Meredith drunk."

"Of course I care," Alex said. "She's Meredith."

"Well what do you suggest getting?" Izzie asked, picking up a plush toy duck from a shelf.

"Not that," Alex said, disapprovingly. Izzie placed the duck back on the shelf. Alex shrugged.

"There's lots of flowers here," he said. "We could make our own arrangement and brighten the house up with it. We can get a bunch for Lexie too… and maybe some chocolates. Chicks love chocolates. And maybe a card… but nothing too depressing. Just a 'thinking of you' sort of thing, to show that we care. Izzie's eyes widened in surprise. She really liked Alex's idea.

"Why couldn't you have just said that earlier instead of pissing me off?" she asked.

"There's no fun in doing that," Alex said with a shrug. Izzie hit him playfully on the arm.

"So I guess Cristina was just messing with me as well," she said.

"Nah, Yang really is that cold," Alex said.

Izzie picked up a purple flower. Alex took it off her and placed it back where it had come from.

"Purple is symbolic of death. You're a Catholic. You should know that," he said. Izzie looked surprised.

"How do you know that?" she asked as she watched Alex pick some flowers in yellows, apricots, pinks and reds.

"These are the kind of colors that you want to brighten the house," he said. "My aunt owned a flower shop," he said, finally giving Izzie an explanation to his amount of knowledge. They picked a card and some boxed chocolates and went to the counter, satisfied with their choices.

Xxx

Meredith and Derek lay entwined in each other's bodies on the bed. Meredith drifted in and out of sleep, emotionally exhausted from the day's events, while Derek kept his eyes open, savoring every moment with her. The sound of Lexie crying was still audible from down the hall; with nothing George saying convincing her to open the door. It was a sad house that afternoon but Derek didn't want to be anywhere else.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

At around midnight, Meredith woke up in Derek's arms. At first the memories of the day before were a little fuzzy but then it all came flooding back to her, hitting her like a lead weight in the chest. Meredith listened to hear if Lexie was still crying from down the hall but she seemed to have stopped. Meredith rolled over and faced Derek. He was still fast asleep. Meredith gently ran her hand down the side of his face and through his hair, savoring the touch of him.

After another hour of trying to get to sleep, Meredith gave up and sat up slowly, careful not to wake Derek, and climbed out of bed. She crept through the house quietly, not wanting to wake anybody up but when she reached the bottom of the stairs it was clear to her that somebody was in the kitchen. Meredith went into the kitchen and found Alex sitting at the table alone, drinking a beer.

"Want one?" he asked.

"I was thinking tequila," Meredith said.

"You don't want that shit," Alex said. "You'll be sorry tomorrow."

"I suppose you're right," Meredith said, grabbing a beer from the fridge. She noticed the flowers, chocolates and cards sitting in the middle of the table.

"They're nice," she said, reading a card. "Thanks," she said genuinely to Alex.

"Izzie's idea," he said, looking down at his beer. "She just put my name on the card."

"That's your handwriting," Meredith said with a little smile. "So modest!" Alex laughed a little to himself. "How are you holding up, anyway?" he asked, looking back up at Meredith.

"I don't know how I feel," Meredith said honestly.

"I know that you and your dad didn't always get along," Alex said. "But that doesn't mean that you should feel nothing for him." Meredith nodded sadly. Alex could tell that she'd done enough talking for one day.

"How's Lex?" he asked, changing the subject. Meredith sighed.

"Devastated," she answered. Suddenly she saw the shadow of someone walking towards the kitchen. It was Lexie, her eyes read and swollen from hours of crying.

"Hey," Meredith said, not knowing how Lexie would greet her.

"Hey," Lexie said embarrassed, looking at the floor. Meredith didn't want to ask the obvious 'how are you?' question so she waited for Lexie to speak.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier," Lexie said. "I was angry and upset but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I never should have said what I said. I know that he wasn't nothing to you and I shouldn't have said that."

"It's in the past," Meredith said, taking a sip of her beer, not wanting to dwell on their fight. "Do you want a beer?"

"I was thinking something more along the lines of tequila," Lexie admitted.

"Whatever gets you through," Meredith said, pulling out the tequila and some shot glasses.

"I'll leave you two to it I think," Alex said, standing up.

"No, stay," Lexie said. "Drink with us."

"I have work in the morning," Alex moaned. "I should have been asleep hours ago."

"Alex, our father just died," Meredith said. "Have a few shots with us." Alex sighed and back down. "No taking advantage of Lexie," Meredith warned. "Or me for that matter."

"Don't flatter yourself, Grey," Alex joked. Meredith laughed.

Xxxxxxx

The next morning Meredith and Lexie awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking. They were sprawled out on separate sofas in the living room.

"Is that… trout?" Lexie moaned, rubbing her eyes, the hangover hitting her.

"Derek must be cooking," Meredith said, sitting up.

"Trout for breakfast?" Lexie asked sitting up too quickly. "Oh no…" she stammered, running for the nearest bathroom and barely making it in time before vomiting."

"Let the games begin," Alex mused as he grabbed his bag and headed out the door, seeming not to be hungover in the slightest. Meredith stood up slowly and went into the kitchen.

"Hey," Derek said with a little smile. "I see you girls had a big night. The house smells like a bar."

"It probably wasn't the best idea," Meredith admitted, helping Derek serve up breakfast.

"Do you want me to take the day off?" Derek asked as they sat down to eat breakfast.

"I'm actually thinking that I'll go into work today," Meredith said, hoping that the food would calm her self inflicted nausea.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Derek asked skeptically. "It only happened yesterday."

"I know," Meredith said. "But George has the day off so Lexie wont be alone… not that I'm even sure if she wants me hanging around, but if I stay home I'll think too much." Derek didn't look convinced. "What?" Meredith asked in response to the look that he was giving her.

"You're an avoider," he said, drinking his coffee.

"Can you please just support me on this," Meredith said, her hangover contributing to her increasing irritably.

"Okay," Derek said, still not convinced. They ate in silence for awhile before Derek checked his watch and stood up, taking his dish to the sink. "I have an early consult so I'll see you at work." Meredith nodded as Derek kissed her on the head.

Xxxxxxx

"Thank God," Cristina said as Meredith arrived at work. "Oh man, you look like crap."

"Shut up," Meredith said. "I look better than you. I've been drinking. What's your excuse?"

"I've been surrounded by idiots all night," Cristina replied. "God I hate interns."

"You were an intern once," Meredith said, picking up her scrubs.

"I wasn't like that," Cristina commented, opening a bag of crisps. "Seattle Grace has lowered their standards." Meredith laughed a little to herself. "How are you doing anyway?"

"I'm fine," Meredith said, not looking at Cristina. Cristina looked skeptical. "I'll be fine," Meredith insisted. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine by me," Cristina said. "What's this I hear about McDreamy sleeping over last night?" Meredith looked shocked. "How did you know about that?"

"Mer, where do we work?" Cristina asked, referring to the hospital gossip ring. Meredith sighed.

"Yes, he stayed the night," she confirmed. "But nothing happened."

"Yeah right," Cristina scoffed.

"It's the truth," Meredith said. "We just… hugged and stuff."

"Wow," Cristina said impressed. "Maybe you're not so dead inside." Meredith scrunched up a piece of paper from her locker and threw it at Cristina. "So are you two getting back together?"

"I have no idea," Meredith said.

"When you say 'hugged and stuff'…" Cristina started. "What does that mean?"

"He kissed me on the head as he was leaving this morning…" Meredith replied, not sure what that meant. She shrugged. "It was nice and… I don't know."

"Alright, stop gossiping you two," Bailey said, as she entered the surgeon's lounge holding a clipboard. "Cristina, you're with Doctor Hahn. Don't piss her off. Grey, I assume you're alright to work today or else you wouldn't be here?"

"Yes, Doctor Bailey," Meredith answered

"Fine. You're with Shepherd."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"Is there a problem with that?" Bailey asked.

"No," Meredith replied, surprised.

"Okay well get moving!"

Meredith and Cristina headed down the hall.

"He so wants you," Cristina teased.

"He's babysitting me," Meredith said, in disbelief, feeling a little angry.

**Thoughts?**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

"Alex? Are you okay in there?" Izzie asked, concerned. She could hear him vomiting from outside the men's bathrooms. There was no reply. A few minutes later Alex emerged, looking extremely pale. "You look like death warmed up!" Izzie said, shocked by Alex's gaunt appearance.

"I hate the Grey sisters and their God damn tequila," Alex moaned. They went into the surgeon's lounge and Alex headed straight to the couch. "I feel like I'm dying," he stammered.

"You look like you're dying," Callie said, entering the surgeon's lounge for some coffee. "I'm guessing that you don't want in on a knee reconstruction."

"I want in on some pepto-bismol," Alex moaned.

"Doctor Karev was out drunk by a couple of girls," Izzie teased. Callie laughed.

"Shut it," Alex moaned.

"The surgery's all yours, Stevens," Callie said.

"Yes!" Izzie exclaimed. "Sucks to be you, Alex!" she teased.

"Go to hell," Alex replied bitterly.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey," George said as he went into Lexie's room holding two cups of tea. "How are you doing today?" Lexie shrugged.

"I don't know," she sighed.

"I lost my father last year," George confessed, handing Lexie a cup of tea.

"I'm sorry," Lexie replied. "I had no idea."

"Thanks," George said. "He wasn't a perfect man but he loved me, you know? He was my dad and I loved him and after he died I remember thinking that I didn't know how to live in a world where he wasn't alive."

"That's exactly how I feel," Lexie said, her voice shaky.

"You get through it," George replied. "It sounds clichéd but life goes on. Some days are better than others but you'll realize that you're much stronger than you think you are."

"He was all I had," Lexie said. "It's only been a day and already I feel so alone."

"You're never alone," George said, taking her hand. "You have friends who care about you. You have two sisters who love you." Lexie looked as if she was going to laugh. "What?" George asked.

"I don't think that Meredith loves me," Lexie said.

"She does," George said with a knowing smile. "She's not the best communicator and she doesn't let people in often but she really does care about you. I promise you, you're not alone. And if you ever wanna talk I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Thank you," Lexie said appreciatively, giving George a little smile.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" Cristina asked as she saw Meredith standing in the middle of the surgical ward staring at her cell phone.

"I'm trying to decide whether to call Lexie. That's what sisters do, right? Call each other?" Cristina shrugged.

"How would I know?" she asked. "I'm glad I'm an only child."

"I thought I was an only child," Meredith said under her breath. "I should call her," she added decisively, starting to dial the number of her house. "Wait-" she stopped. "What do I say to her?"

"I'm sorry your dad died?" Cristina suggested.

"I've said that," Meredith replied. "I've said just about everything that you're supposed to say when someone dies… I could offer to let her stay with me for a few more days. That's the sisterly thing to do, right?"

"What if she gets the wrong idea and never leaves?" Cristina suggested.

"Not helping, Cristina," Meredith said, unamused.

"You could ask her if she's as sick as Alex is today," Izzie suggested as she joined Meredith and Cristina at the nurses station. "He's so hungover he had to forfeit a surgery."

"Oh, this I have to see," Cristina said, amused.

Suddenly Meredith's pager went off.

"Crap," Meredith said, realizing that it was Derek. "It's Doctor Shepherd. I'll see you guys later."

"Should she be on neuro?" Izzie asked Cristina, concerned. "Her dad died there yesterday."

"It's Shepherd's doing," Cristina replied. "He's either lusting after her or he's babysitting her. Possibly both."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meredith rushed up to the Neurology ward where there was a code blue. As she ran through the hall she unexpectedly felt her heart start pounding as she re traced the steps that she had taken the day before. Meredith stopped suddenly when she realized that the code blue was coming from the same room where Thatcher Grey had died the day before. Watching the chaos of people running in and out of the room was like watching him die all over again. Meredith had to fight the urge to run in the opposite direction.

"Where's my resident?" Meredith heard Derek shout from inside the room. Meredith mustered up as much courage as she could and went into the room.

"I'm here," she announced. To her surprise, Derek looked as though he hadn't expected to see her. "Where do want me?"

"He needs Valproic Acid IV," Derek instructed, acknowledging the patient who was suffering a seizure. Derek continued to check the patient's vitals. Meredith pushed the drugs through the patient's IV line and he stabilized.

"That's better," Derek said, checking over the patient again. "I want you to send him for an MRI," he told the nurses. "Page me as soon as you get the results or if there are any problems."

"Certainly, Doctor Shepherd," a nurse replied as they took the patient out of the room. As this was happening, Meredith felt her chest begin to clench as she struggled for breath. She knew that it was a panic attack coming on but there was nothing that she could do to stop it. Meredith took a few steps back and slinked onto the floor, trying desperately to breathe.

"Meredith," Derek said concerned, turning around and seeing her there. He knelt down in front of her. "You need to take slow deep breaths," he said, trying to calm her down. He took her hands in his and held on to them until her breathing returned to normal.

"Why did you assign me to neuro?" Meredith asked him when she had regained her composure. A tear rolled down her cheek. "You shouldn't be babysitting me and you should know that I can't be in the same room that my father died in." Meredith was crying now. She had finally acknowledged Thatcher Grey as her father.

"Meredith, I didn't assign you to neuro," Derek said gently, sitting down beside her on the ground. "It must have been your chief resident. I didn't want you anywhere near neuro today. I'm sorry that you had to see that." Meredith didn't say anything. She was trying to stop herself from crying but the tears that she had been fighting for so long kept coming. "It's too soon for you to be back at work. I think that you should go home and sit with Lexie." Meredith didn't try to fight Derek. She knew that he was right. She was putting unnecessary pressure on herself by coming back to work so early. Meredith rested her head against Derek's strong shoulder. She felt so comforted by being close to him. The tears eventually stopped flowing.

"Okay, I'm going to go home," she said with a sigh, lifting her head from Derek's shoulder. For a moment they locked eyes, both thinking the same thing. Derek started to pull away, not wanting to take advantage of Meredith during a vulnerable moment, but Meredith leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. It wasn't brought on by grief, vulnerability or confusion. Meredith was still very much in love with her McDreamy.

**Please review **


	11. Chapter 11

Even though there aren't as many reviews for this fic as my other fics, thank you to those who have reviewed. I really do appreciate it. I hope that you enjoy this next chapter.

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

Meredith hadn't been able to say anything after she had kissed Derek. She didn't regret the situation. Far from it. But there had just been too many emotions to handle in one day and Meredith couldn't add awkward romantic encounters to her list of things to deal with. Instead she had rushed off to the surgeon's lounge, hoping that Derek would understand. Meredith changed out of her scrubs into a pair of jeans and her old Dartmouth shirt that she always wore when she sought comfort. She took her bag out of her locker and closed it. For a moment she closed her eyes and rested her head against the cold, hard surface of the locker. Usually the hospital was the one place that she could go to escape the drama of her personal life. Giving orders with a scalpel in her hand made her feel invincible. But today she couldn't concentrate. She couldn't think straight wandering the halls with the memory of what had happened the day before so raw. She had tried not to care. Usually she was an expert at pretending not to care but not today.

Meredith opened her eyes and exited the surgeon's lounge. She walked numbly though the halls of the hospital, staring at her feet to avoid eye contact with anyone.

"Where are you going?" Cristina asked as Meredith passed her.

"Home," Meredith replied as she kept walking. Cristina looked confused.

"She was fine ten minutes ago," Cristina said to Izzie.

"Her father just died, Cristina," Izzie snapped. "How can you say she's fine?" Izzie followed Meredith down the fall. "Mer!" she called out after her. Meredith stopped, not wanting to be rude and ignore Izzie but she really didn't feel like talking. Izzie caught up to Meredith. "I'm here for you," Izzie said as she stepped in front of Meredith. "If you need anything at all, I'm here."

"Thanks, Iz," Meredith said. She knew that Izzie meant well. "I'll see you at home."

"Okay," Izzie said, not knowing what else to say. She stepped aside and allowed Meredith to keep walking.

Meredith was relieved to walk out of the hospital and feel the sunlight on her face. For once it wasn't raining in Seattle. As Meredith headed towards her car she heard the sound of somebody vomiting violently.

"Alex?" she said, going over to where her friend was sitting on the pavement, obviously sick. Alex looked up at Meredith, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Oh hey," he said.

"You look terrible," Meredith said, concerned.

"This damn flu going around," Alex lied. "One of the reasons I hate working at a hospital." Meredith looked skeptical.

"It's not flu season," she said. "Are you sure you didn't just have too much tequila?"

"Yeah right," Alex said with pretend sarcasm. "Getting sick off a chick drink." Meredith could tell that he was seriously hungover. She had been there enough times herself. But she decided not to embarrass Alex any more than he already was.

"Okay then," she said. "I'm going home. I hope the… flu passes."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Doctor Bailey," Derek said, approaching the Chief Resident at a desk as she ploughed through a mountain of paperwork.

"Yes, Doctor Shepherd," Bailey replied, looking up at Derek's serious expression.

"You put Meredith Grey on my service," he said, unimpressed.

"Yes I did," Bailey replied, not appearing to see Derek's problem.

"Thatcher Grey died in neuro yesterday," Derek said with clenched teeth.

"She said she was fine," Bailey said.

"She always says she's fine," Derek responded. "You should know by now that she doesn't mean it."

"Look, Doctor Shepherd," Bailey started. "I have a lot of residents on my service. I can't be baby sitting every single one of them. Now I care about Doctor Grey, God knows, but I ask her if she's fine and she insists repeatedly that she's fine. She doesn't want me to favor her or go telling every attending her personal business. I assigned her to a specialty that she has a talent for and that she cares about, knowing that if there is a surgery, you are aware of what has happened and wouldn't make her do any procedures outside of her range at this time." Derek could understand where Bailey was coming from but his feelings over seeing Meredith so distraught earlier over rode his professional judgment.

"You should have known better," Derek said with quiet anger.

"Excuse me?" Bailey asked with raised eyebrows.

"You heard me," Derek replied. "You should have known better than to put Meredith on neuro. Now you're one resident down and a patient's care could have been compromised."

"Doctor Shepherd, if you have a problem with the way I'm doing my job feel free to go to the Chief," Bailey said.

"Maybe I'll do that," Derek said, walking away leaving a shocked Bailey behind. "Yang, you're with me now," Derek said to Cristina as he passed her, not acknowledging that she had just seen the whole exchange with Bailey.

"Yes, Doctor Shepherd," Cristina stammered. "Right away."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meredith arrived back at the house to the surprising sound of George and Lexie chatting away. She went over to the dining room and found them at sitting at the table engaging in light conversation.

"Hey," she said, relieved that there was no crying going on.

"Hey," Lexie said back, surprised to see Meredith.

"What are you doing back so soon?" George asked. "I mean… not that that's a bad thing. It's good to have you home."

"I had a momentary freak out at the hospital," Meredith answered. She ignored the confused looks that Lexie and George were giving her. "Anyway, I'm home now," she said dismissively. She looked at the paperwork at the table. "What are you doing?" she asked. She noticed that George and Lexie's legs were intertwined underneath the table.

"I hope you don't mind," Lexie stammered. "I found your list when I was taking the garbage out." She held up the piece of paper where Meredith had been hurriedly scribbling down funeral details the day before. "You had some really good ideas."

"Oh," Meredith said, surprised that Lexie approved.

"I like the part about the donation to a charity instead of flowers," Lexie said. "That's nice. He would have liked that."

"I'm glad," Meredith said, awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

"We've been making some arrangements," George said. "The funeral home had a cancellation tomorrow afternoon so they offered us a small service then."

"The funeral home had a cancellation?" Meredith asked, puzzled. "How does that happen?"

"I was afraid to ask," George said, sounding creeped out. Meredith and Lexie locked eyes and smiled a little. They tried to suppress their laughter over the bizarre situation but gave in and shared a laugh. Meredith took a seat at the table.

"Is there anything I can help with?" she asked.

"I think we just about have it sorted," Lexie replied. "But you should look over what we have. I'd like to hear your suggestions." She handed Meredith the list. Meredith wouldn't admit it but it felt comforting to be involved in a family decision, even if it was a sad one.


	12. Chapter 12

I'm sorry about the lack of updates. Here's the next chapter. Just thought I'd let you know that this only has one or two more chapters left in it. Please review.

**CHAPTER TWELVE **

A few hours later Meredith and Lexie, supported by George, reviewed the plans that they had made for Thatcher Grey's funeral. As sad as the whole process was both Meredith and Lexie had found a kind of inner strength from not having to shoulder the responsibility alone.

"I should take this over to the funeral home," Lexie said, clearly not wanting to do it.

"I can do it," George offered. "If you want I'll take it over and help clarify everything. You two should stay here and… talk or something."

"Thank you," Lexie said appreciatively as George picked up the plans for the funeral.

"I'll bring some take out home for dinner," he offered,

"Thanks, George," Lexie said again. "But not Chinese. I hate Chinese food." Meredith smiled a little, amused by a little thing that they had in common. "What?" Lexie asked her.

"Nothing," Meredith replied. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, a cup of tea would be good," Lexie said with a little smile.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Alex, you need to go on fluids," Izzie insisted as she watched Alex lying on the couch in the surgeon's lounge.

"I'm fine," Alex moaned. "It was just a few shots."

"It was more than a few shots," Izzie insisted. "And you should get over the fact that Meredith and Lexie kicked your ass at drinking and start helping yourself."

"I said I'm fine!" Alex replied angrily. Cristina entered the surgeon's lounge and switched the radio on. She turned the volume up loud and smiled to herself as Alex buried his head in a pillow.

"Bitch," he moaned angrily.

"What was that, evil spawn? I didn't quite hear you," Cristina teased, turning the volume up even higher.

"Fine! You win!" Alex yelled, sitting up. "I admit defeat. Now turn the goddamn radio off!" Cristina smiled to herself and lowered the volume.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Bailey asked, annoyed at all the noise that the residents were making. "You're all carrying on like a bunch of whiny interns."

"I need fluids," Alex moaned.

"What the hell happened to you?" Bailey asked unimpressed, looking him up and down. Izzie gleefully opened her mouth to tell Bailey all about it but Alex got in first.

"Sympathy drinks with the Grey sisters," he muttered.

"I see," Bailey replied, clearly unimpressed but deciding to spare Alex the lecture. She pulled a prescription book out of her pocket. "Yang, get Karev a banana bag. If he's not looking two hundred percent better once it's run through send him home."

"With great pleasure," Cristina said with a mischievous smile. Alex groaned and put a pillow over his face.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meredith brought the cups of tea that she had made for Lexie and herself over to the table.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked her sister. Usually Meredith wouldn't ask such a personal question, she hated being asked personal questions, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Lexie sighed.

"Alcoholism is an illness," she said. Meredith nodded. It was something they had learnt in college. "I'm a doctor and I never tried to treat him for his illness," Lexie said. "I made excuses for him. I blamed my mother's death, the stress of Molly having a sick baby, me being away at college. Hell, I even tried to blame his guilt over not being a part of your life." Meredith didn't say anything. She wasn't sure where this conversation was headed. "I shouldn't have made excuses for him. I should have acted as a doctor would. I should have tried to get him into a detox program and AA and encouraged him to see a councilor. Maybe then…" her voice trailed off.

"Lexie," Meredith said, surprised at how bad she felt for her sister. "Medicine helps those who help themselves. You and I both know that he wouldn't have gone into a detox program because according to him he didn't have a problem. You're his daughter, not his doctor."

"Yeah, but I'm a doctor," Lexie argued. I put all his symptoms – the slurred speech, the memory loss, the balance problems- down to his drinking. What kind of doctor am I?" She paused for a moment. "What kind of daughter am I?"

"This isn't your fault," Meredith said, trying her best to reassure Lexie. Nothing about his behaviour was different to how it had been for a long time, am I right?" Lexie nodded, a tear streaming down her cheek. "There's a reason they don't let us treat relatives," Meredith said. "We're too close. Now, even if he had displayed some unusual symptoms earlier, the result still would have been the same. I know it's hard to accept but there's nothing that you could have done to save him." More tears streamed down Lexie's face. "Don't think that you're a bad doctor just because he isn't here, okay?" Lexie nodded, taking a shaky breath. Meredith wasn't sure what to do next. She had meant every word that she had said but now Lexie was crying and Meredith wasn't exactly the hugging type.

"I'm sorry," Lexie said, crying, knowing that she was making Meredith uncomfortable, as she put her head in her hands.

"It's okay," Meredith replied. She stood up and went around the table to where Lexie was. Meredith supportively put her hand on Lexie's shoulder, hoping that it would help her somehow. Lexie surprised Meredith by getting to her feet and pulling Meredith into a hug. To Meredith's surprise she felt comforted by the gesture and didn't feel the need to pull away. Instead she felt almost whole for the fist time in a long time. She had never imagined that Lexie Grey of all people could make her feel anything but pain.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Doctor Shepherd," Izzie said, catching Derek on his way to surgery.

"Yes, Doctor Stevens," Derek replied, turning to face her.

"George just called."

"Is everything okay?" Derek asked, immediately worried about Meredith.

"She's fine as far as I know," Izzie replied, knowing how protective Derek was. "George just said that Thatcher Grey's funeral is tomorrow afternoon. I've arranged for the afternoon off to support Meredith. I just thought that you might want to know." Derek nodded.

"I'll reschedule a surgery," he said. "Thank you for letting me know." Derek gave Izzie a sad smile and turned to walk away. He stopped for a moment, remembering how Meredith hadn't wanted him to go to Susan's funeral.

"Doctor Stevens," Derek said, turning back around.

"Yes?" Izzie asked.

"Do you think that Meredith would want me there?" Izzie nodded knowingly.

"Even if she doesn't say it, she wants you there," she replied. "I know it and you know it."


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you so much to the people who have reviewed this fic. I really do appreciate the feedback. This is the final chapter to this story. I really hope that you enjoy it. Please leave your final thoughts in your review. Thank you again for reading.

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

"I hate funerals," Alex muttered as he drove to the cemetery where Thatcher's simple service was to be held.

"Really? Because I love them," Izzie replied sarcastically. She studied Alex's face. "You're angrier than usual," she observed out loud.

"Am not," Alex argued.

"You're still hungover aren't you?" Izzie asked cheekily.

"Shut up," Alex replied.

"The two day hangover from hell," Izzie teased. "Sucks to be you." They pulled into the parking lot at Cristina's apartment building where she was waiting for them.

"I hate funerals," Cristina muttered as she climbed into the back seat of the car.

"Izzie loves them," Alex spoke up. Izzie hit Alex on the back of his head with her handbag.

"It's good of you to come," Izzie said to Cristina.

"You thought I wouldn't?" Cristina asked.

"Well you do have more intimacy issues than most people I know," Izzie replied. "And funerals are full of people hugging and crying and-"

"Stop the car," Cristina snapped. Alex laughed and kept driving.

"We're just here to let Meredith and Lexie know that we care," Izzie said. "We don't have to hug anybody. It's just about being there."

"Somehow I doubt you'll be able to refrain from the hugging and the commiserating," Cristina said bitterly. Alex laughed.

"Good one," he said to Cristina who also laughed a little.

"I wouldn't boast about being a detached robot if I were you," Izzie snapped back. "I can't help it if I care."

"Hey, I care," Cristina protested. "I'm here aren't I? This is me being supportive."

"You probably have your scrubs in your handbag," Izzie said, rolling her eyes. Cristina didn't reply. Instead she guiltily looked out of the window. "Cristina, I was kidding!" Izzie said, exasperated. "Alex, she has her scrubs in her bag."

"I'm wearing my scrubs under my tux," Alex said with a shrug of the shoulders. "There's nothing wrong with being prepared."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meredith and Lexie rode together in the back of the car that George was driving. Every so often George would look into the rear vision mirror to check on the Grey sisters and smile a little to himself. He had noticed the bond that had been formed since Thatcher's death. It was a bond that hadn't been there before but which would be there for the rest of their lives.

Lexie bit her lip anxiously and Meredith gave her hand a supportive squeeze. Meredith never had been the best communicator but she didn't need words to let Lexie know that she was there for her.

George was there for Lexie too. In the days that had passed they had been spending more and more time in each other's company and had grown closer, each wondering silently where their friendship was headed.

Finally George reached the cemetery. There would be no elaborate church ceremony. Just a simple, dignified farewell at the plot reserved for Thatcher Grey next to his late wife Susan.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked Lexie as George opened the door.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Lexie said nervously. She took George's hand and allowed him to help her out of the car.

"Lexie!" A voice called from up ahead. It was Molly, her sister, and her baby Laura. Lexie dissolved into tears as soon as she laid eyes on Molly. The thought of little Laura never knowing her grandfather proved too much to take in that moment. George put his arm around Lexie and led her over to Molly where the sisters embraced.

Meredith climbed out of the car and stood back from the others. Although she and Lexie had made progress, she still didn't feel a part of the Grey family. She barely knew Molly and she certainly didn't know Thatcher Grey the way that her sisters did. Meredith looked around at the mourners who had gathered for the memorial service and realized that she didn't recognise a single face. Lexie had been the one to work on the guest list. Perhaps some of the guests were relatives that Meredith didn't know. She wasn't sure. She knew very little about her father's family.

Meredith took a deep breath and took a step forward. She stopped when she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around out of courtesy not expecting to see anybody that she knew but broke into a smile when she saw Alex, Cristina and Izzie approach her.

"Thank God," Meredith said, relieved.

"How are you?" Izzie asked, concerned.

"I don't know," Meredith said truthfully. "I don't even know what I'm doing here to be honest."

"You're here because it's the right thing to do," Alex said, speaking from experience.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Meredith replied.

"There will be liquor at the wake, right?" Cristina asked.

"God, I hope so," Meredith replied. They looked at each other and managed to laugh a little. Meredith was glad that her person was there with her.

"Meredith," a familiar voice said from behind her. Meredith turned to see Derek Shepherd standing there. "Sorry I'm late," he said as he headed over to the group.

"You're not late. We're early," Meredith said as Derek scooped her up in his arms and hugged her lovingly. It wasn't a gesture that Meredith had expected but she appreciated it greatly.

"We'll see you over there," Cristina said as she, Alex and Izzie joined the other mourners, leaving Meredith and Derek alone.

"I'm glad you're here," Meredith said to Derek.

"Me too," Derek replied. He leaned forward and kissed Meredith softly on the lips. Meredith hungrily responded, giving Derek permission to kiss her more passionately.

"We'd better get over there," Derek said, noticing that most of the crowd appeared to be assembled at the plot.

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, slightly breathless. Derek entwined his hand with hers and they walked over to the others.

The service was surprisingly moving. Thatcher was not made out to be some kind of hero. Sure, his worst traits weren't focused on but his love for his family shone through. Meredith surprisingly felt herself shed a tear now and then. She wasn't sure that she ever wanted to get to know her father but she didn't like the option being taken away from her. It hurt that she would never get that chance.

When the service was over, everybody headed to Thatcher's house for the wake. Meredith stuck to her small group of supporters, allowing Lexie to deal with the majority of the mourners.

"Meredith." Meredith looked over to see Molly calling out to her from the sofa. "I haven't seen you in ages. I want you to come and meet some people." Meredith smiled nervously at Molly and the people surrounding her, obviously relatives of Thatcher's. Meredith took a sip of her wine and looked at Derek nervously. Behind him she couldn't help but notice George and Lexie sharing a tender first kiss.

"Go on," Derek said supportively to Meredith. "Go and meet your family."

**THE END**


End file.
